Look-A-Likes Part 1

Peter Jackson [director Lord of the Rings]

Javier Bardem

Jack Black

John Mayer

Omar Sheds Some Light On The Issue

Hey, I'm glad you brought this subject to light. It's about time someone discusses Ofer's ridiculous hair cut. Javier Bardem and Joker from the Dark Knight are starting to get jealous that Ofer's hair might be longer. Who does he think he is...Kid Rock?

Not only is his hair a physical atrocity to the human species, but it's also a public nuisance. His long hair makes it difficult and economically inefficient to wash it thoroughly with shampoo.

Ofer used to wash his hair with a dab of shampoo - no more than 10 milliliters - but now he uses nearly the whole bottle for one wash. Consequently, he isn't taking frequent visits to the shower, and therefore...HE STINKS.

The solution is simple. Force him to cut his Antonio Banderas lookin' hair, and if that doesn't work, we take more drastic steps..........we kill him.

The Hair Affair Of The Hebrew Bear

1. The Beginning - A Normal Boy




A handsome young man with a decent sense of style. Leading a healthy lifestyle, Ofer would drink VitaminWater to boost his daily intake of vitamins and minerals while keeping his caloric intake at a minimum. Although all seemed well, this only foreshadowed what was to come (note the facial expression which one could only describe as..."bitching about some shit".)





2. "I'm growing out my hair guys. It's fun trying new things." - Ofer

Ahh, the joy. Ofer was L-O-V lovin' his long hair. And we were all happy for him. He would frequently utter phrases such as "Check out my new long hair guys! Don't you love it? I DO!", and "Life is too short...too short for short hair!". But as you know, there's always a calm before the storm.




3. The Meltdown

A classic breakdown. Ofer couldn't handle the hair, for the hair began to handle him. The Fearless Jew became the Earless Jew, for his hair covered almost all of his facial features. Ofer lost his pep, and became quite the downer. He would often be found crying in closets, muttering "Why won't they just accept me and my long, dark strands of hair? Do they not know how many hours I spent conditioning it!?!?" It was a dark period in his life.

And the fact that his friends called him things like Mankind, John Mayer, and Jack Black didn't help.

4. Resurrection - The Birth Of A Douche

Ofer finally learned how to cope with his hair. He learned to accessorize. His former joy of a newfound hairstyle returned. And although his poor mother and girlfriend remained in tears, Ofer again began saying things like, "I guess your hair doesn't suck my hair's dick" to all his short-haired friends.

And such was the Hair Affair of the Hebrew Bear.

About "Ofer's Hair Chronicles"

This entire blog is dedicated to one thing and one thing only:

Ofer's Hair

In order to appreciate this site, Ofer's Hair Chronicles, you must meet the following criteria:

1. You are acquainted with Ofer
2. You have seen him within the last 2-3 months
3. You have noticed an ever so suttle change in his hair style
4. Upon noticing Ofer's change in hair style, you have begun to question Ofer's sanity
5. You have laughed about Ofer's hair
6. You have been involved in numerous conversations (with and without Ofer present) about Ofer's hair
7. The above mentioned conversations have at one point or another went in the general direction of "Alright...guys...what the fuck is up with Ofer's hair?"
8. You believe that above all other things in his life, whether it be health, education, love, or success, Ofer should first look into removing the atrocity which hangs from his scalp.

This site will address the following questions regarding Ofer's hair...

• Why is it like that?
• Is it real?
• When did this happen?
• What caused the paradigm...or should I say "hairadigm"... shift in Ofer's hairstyle preference?
• And lastly...Ofer, what the fuck?